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[26 Oct 2004|01:09pm] |
I completely made a new livejournal name...
Im sick of lurkers
sketchedbeauty
add me so i can add you back.
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[26 Oct 2004|12:52pm] |
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I think Im ridding of this journal...
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[26 Oct 2004|12:45pm] |
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I think im starting to loose faith in myself....
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[26 Oct 2004|11:05am] |
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Between the Buried and Me |
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Now once we hit the top theres no stoppin' us now.
I think ashley got me sick. Oh Yeah, and about yesterday with the mall and all that. A certain incident happened that Im kind of proud of. All my ex boyfriends think Im a cheater and bah bah bah bah, when in reality, Im not and I never will be. But anyway, I was at the mall and this like, european guy , real tall came up to us and was like. "Whats it take to get your numbers," and looks right at danielle. Shes like.."Money" Ashely says, "Your sunglesses" And I say, "A party, cake/punch and fifty bucks." He goes fifty bucks thats it? And I was like.. Wow..you really want me to flip out. But I didnt. He was madd macking on all of us and then I look him in the face. And go...."Please dont take this personally,but Im going to turn around walk away." I wave turn around and begin walking alone. Then I turn around and Im like, "then again, do take it personally" I smile wave and walk away. Sounds bitchy, but this guy was trying to work his tourist european gross ass charm to get in all of our jeans. He wanted to jump our bones soo bad you could see it in his eyes. It was gross. Then..haha ohhh man. Then were at the bank, ashley and I. And this guy, sixty years old, pulls up in a mini cooper, like..mid life crisis man alert style and yells out the window at ashley reall dorky like... "Hey girls have you heard this new band from california? Its a riot HAHA" We were like "no sorry" and he turns it up and its this shitty shitty music like..blaring and sucking so much ass. And this old man is rockin out like...trying to be all sexy and hit on ashley, askin hr if she likes to go to shows and surf and bah bah bah. And I go to roll up the window on him cuz frankly hes freakin me out. And ashleys like no dude, thats gay. So I stop and continue putting up with his "new jam" crap ass music. Then he does the bank thing waves super huge and drives away like laughing. It was ackward.
Lemmie think , Oh yeah ashley and I went to the doctor and she found out she was sick and her doc was super touchy feely all over me and tellin me guys dont like baggage and guys only want pussy and ...get married when im thirty and time flies and all this..and then he leaves, we start crackin up and he comes back,uts his hand on my shoulders like death grip hard, rubs my head all around and hten asks me if I like roxy and do i go surfing?
The whole day was just ackward.
But deffinately fun.
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[25 Oct 2004|11:47pm] |
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I feel giddy lately Like I have a secret that no one can know..
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| I havent written anything of substance in a while so heres my chance. |
[25 Oct 2004|04:04pm] |
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Sorry that there arent any picturres.
Its just sort of a personal thought process entry.
But yeah, Oh how I love fall.
I love the wind, and the chill in the air. I love waking up and knowing my day is going to be beautiful. Wether its five in the mornin or four in the afternoon. The sun is always beautful and the wind is always at that chilly yet comfertable factor. I love watching the sun go down. The pinks, and oranges of the fall skies are stupendous. I cant remember the last time I enjoyed life this much. Im content at seventeen, I make time for myself. I dont stress about anything. I dont create drama. Life is good. I lost my cell phone though. That kinda sucks but its cool. Tomorrow night Im going over to mackenzies and were gonna play twister, and if he lives in the right part of town well go to my friends house and watch the sun set with her on the roof. I love fall more than anything in the world. Its just that time of season that makes me so joyous, for you it may be spring for others it may be winter, but god I love fall. I cant stop talking about it, I love wearing sweaters and jeans, I love getting into my bed when the sheets are a bit chilly, then snuggling up close to my pillows and falling fast alseep. I love waking up in the morning and taking my time. No rush, I get up drink chai tea, Shower,Laz around for a while and then Im off to class. Even when im in class all I do is watch the trees as they dance in the winds of my favorite season. I love having my hair blow all around when im walking to my car, I love having a reason to cuddle up close with someone. "its chilly" see there, a perfectly wonderful reason to cuddle. Im increbiibly lucky to be me. Because no one else is like me...no one. No one was botn on the same day at the same time in the same room out of the same womb as me. No one can hold the memories I hold. Not another soul in the universe posses the knowledge and power that I posses, wanna know why? Because everything I know I learned on my own, with help from others of course...but no matter how you put it. I am me, and Im damn proud to be me. Girls who get surgery for physical attributes are rediculous because they dont need it. If an accident happens and its mandatory, then by all means go for it. But if you dont like your nose, so what. Someone does. I could NEVER picture myself looking any different than I already am. I couldn picture myself with a bigger nose, or smaller lips, well hell even fuller lips, I couldnt even fathom...i would just, wow. I wouldnt do it. Everyone is beautiful no matter hwo you are and fuck people who think they are perfect, they have flaws too. I was thinking baout it today. And it doesnt matter how much money you have in your pocket, or in the bank..It matters how much personality, love and care youve been given to share. With out love...there is nothing to live for. No one would hope to find Mr. Right anymore. They wouldnt care about life. LIFE ..sheesh. Its so important to me, I like evryone, but i dont trust anyone, thats my problem, were gonna have honest time now..
I was in a relationship for a while, and got my ass beat to the ground, no joke. i have people I KNOW can back me up on this because they wintnessed it. It hurts to be fucked over like that, but I learned from it. i learned what NOT to look for in a guy, what to watch out for and signs of warning. It sucked being me for three years, threats, beat downs, broken bones, verbal abuse, "no name" is why Im not confident in myself. People say im pretty, and i appreciate it i do, but I odnt know if i believe it or not. Im all about complimenting other people, but not myself.
its hard to explain. OHHHH
and speaking of all this nonsense.
I fucking want love damn it. I want to be able to go over to my boyfriends housee and cuddle with him for no fucking reason at all. No words spoken no nothing just ..enjoying each others company. I want to have a relationship I know will last, something i can hold high and cherish, I want osmeone to cherish me. I want to feel like the most wonderful person in their life. I want to be the first, maybe second thing they think about when they opne their sweet eyes in the morning. I want to be the last thing they think about before they lay their head down for rest in the night. I want to be that someone theyve always been looking for. I want to ...I want to do so many things. I dont ever voice my opinion but today i was feeling lucky. Maybe someone will lisen to me and take me seriously, instead of acting like theyre better than me and deciding they want some other girl OR even acting like they know more than I so its okay to laugh in my face while I cry. Ive had people do some fucked up things to me.
And the friends I keep close dont, and I wanna thank you guys for that.
You guys rule the school. Devotig time to me is something I really appreciate. It makes me feel needed and I need that in life, you dig?
Well, Im sorry for such a long entry but I had to start somewhere.
Im off.
Call me sometimes lovlies.
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| I like twister |
[25 Oct 2004|04:01pm] |
I re did my livejournal and it looks pretty gay, i dont feel like fixing right now which is alright for me.
but anyway..
this morning
went to class
got out
found a note on my car
went to ashleys house
took her to the doctor, the pharmacy, the bank and the mall
and then i came here and started doing work!
hooray for me.
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[25 Oct 2004|03:12pm] |
So im re doing the livejournal ...
new layout
bah bah bah
Im sick of this one.
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[25 Oct 2004|07:21am] |
its seven in the morning and im fucking tired...
good night bitches
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[24 Oct 2004|11:37pm] |
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Mr.Maraz |
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The night.
She brushed her hands upon my flushed cheek
Smelled of childhood remnants of a dusty weeping willow
Clouds soothe, Shredded by the calico
Were oh so vast and quick as I was on my own now.
This time like every other time I believe that I never find
Another sweet little girl with sequined sea foam eyes
Ocean lapping voice smile coy as the brightest quiet span of sky
And I'm all alone again tonight not again, not again, not again.
And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice. Lovely.
Still I'm unable to inhale all the riches
As I'm awkward as a wound on my bones
Still I've got cobblestone joints and plate glass points
As I'm all by myself tonight not again not againE
And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice. Lovely.
Well if you should nervously break down
When its time for the shakedown would you take it
It's when you cry just a little but you laugh in the middle that you've made it
And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice.
Lovely.
Say it again. Lovely. So lovely. to do it again
Again. Loving again. It's coming again.
Lovely.
I miss you....
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[23 Oct 2004|10:18am] |
Hey
Hey you
Its my birthday today
and IM saying HOORRAAYYY
..uh yeah I think my family forgot, but my buddy got me a kickass umbrella.
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[22 Oct 2004|11:50pm] |
so my keys rae locked in my car thats sitting on the side of a street next to a lake
triple a is cancelled and has been canceled since april of 2002 and i waited an hour on a holding service to find that out. You cant break into my car, its completely impossible without breaking windows. You cant find a jimmy, or slim jim in the state of fucking florida. and im upset.
its my birthday
i have no car
....what the fuck.
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[21 Oct 2004|05:25pm] |
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MY BIRTHDAY IS ON SATURDAY!!!!
* dONt yOu fUcKiNG FORgET!!!
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[18 Oct 2004|01:47pm] |
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hey...
hhahha heey guys
get this...
Fuck you. I cant stand people like you. I swear to bob, they should take off all the warning labels so people HAVE to use common sense. And if they dont, they dont get a slap on the wrist, they die. and that wil slowely but efficiently deplete the population of stupid people in the united states. I think you deserve to die. I cant believe you'd use me just for that, you cunt sucking, ass licking, pancake flippin, crawdaddy cracking, trailer trash having, dumpster diving, shit kicking, honkey fucking, ugly kids having, yellow bellied , sun of a bitch. Im sick of you. Im sick of your drama. You have offically been cut off from the lovely little quaint life I lead. Im deffinately more inteliigent than youll ever be. Im deffinately sexier than you could ever dream of being. I deffinately have a greater outlook on life than you do, I may do dumb things sometimes but I dont make repetitive mistakes, unlike you. I am a well balanced, beautiful piece of fucking art and so are most of my lady friends. You have no right to say anything to me or about me, if I find out that my name runs across your lips ever again, I will personally come after you. Im sick of your ass, you discust me. You use, abuse, lie, cheat, steal, whatever you have to do to have things go just the way you want them and thats fucked up. Karma is a bitch and you deserve a swift kick in the ass. Try to fucking hit me. I dare you.
p.s- if you havent got the message by now. I no like you.
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[14 Oct 2004|12:01pm] |
Schools been good.
Works kinda down but what do you want for an ice cream store in the winter months?
ehh, im thinking about getting abother job, i could use the work anyway.
Im still debating wether or not to move...
other than all the drama, life is good.
and p.s- i hate drama more than anything, and im no the girl whos like, ahh i hate drama and then im all like..ohh wanna start somthin bitch.
anywhoo, the papaduke is on his way home and i gotta get off this retched computer, its sucking the life out of me...
much love..
always and forever...
kristen.
and kristin, i hope you get better quick baby, someone as sweet ads you doesnt deserve to be sick all the time.
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[13 Oct 2004|12:42pm] |
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SLAYER!!!!! |
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Soo I wanna wish good luck to the court thing, you know who you are..so good god damned luck.
I wanna sayyy
I love you to Kristin and IM proud of you with all my...vagina.
And nicky D ..The party is a no go. but halloween is a deffinate, we gon' get tore up nigga.
hmm.. lifes been good. Im passing all my classes and I suddenly dont give a damn about how anyone feels anymore, and i dont really give a dman what they think, ive heard im ugly, and that i have a dog face, i got spit on by some girl today anddddddd ive heard that im gorgeous, so take your pick and make up your fucking mind, sheesh people. I have two opportunities, one to more to atlanta and one to move to southshore, and im thinkin, that not a whole lotta people will miss me, ill get the occasional, "hey wheres whatsher name" but nothing tooo exstravigant...I have to get a new job soon, stripping sounds fun heather we shjopuld hit that shit up. My stage name could be, "bush woman" or whatever the fuck that bumper sticker says, ahh fack...
lately ive been party-ing, baking (yeah i know) and working and draggin myself out of bed for class, i go to class in a sweater and some jeans, I have no one to impress and no one is interested so, haha FUCK WHAT THEY THINK.
oh man i had a kickass dreeam and yesterday i was little miss fucking popular at work, everyone was callin me and askin me what i was doing and iw as like...uhh im at work, but then they sent me home early and i was gonna go to the dirrty dirrty apk but decided against it and went to allis instead, we got chased by a momma bear, and some creepy white honda civic almost hit us like fifty times, so we dove into the like..dirt and shit, i had to pee so bad and we were miles from her house so i got intune with mother nature and peed outside, hhahah aahhh i wish you were there to see, anyway, I wanna do modeling with whitney soon, because shes beautiful and i love her, in january im debating wether to move out or not andddd i dont know, what the hell do you think i should do?
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[03 Oct 2004|01:09pm] |
sorry fr being and update slut but this is funny
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[28 Sep 2004|05:34pm] |
W4Rpig88: still black?
WaitUntil Tonite: no
WaitUntil Tonite: it fucking rubbed off
W4Rpig88: what what what?!
WaitUntil Tonite: bull shit ad said "garunteed for life"
WaitUntil Tonite: and it lasted a fucking week.
W4Rpig88: thats fuckin lame
W4Rpig88: well in a way a good thing cause i cant get "it" up for black girls
WaitUntil Tonite: yeah broah, i payed eight bucks for that shit
WaitUntil Tonite: wait ew.
W4Rpig88: 8-)
WaitUntil Tonite: thats creepy
WaitUntil Tonite: I'll sic my scene queen on you
W4Rpig88: scene queen? ol
W4Rpig88: lol*
WaitUntil Tonite: hes my love bunny
WaitUntil Tonite: and hell bite your ankles off
W4Rpig88: ouch
WaitUntil Tonite: yeah
WaitUntil Tonite: they will bleed and everything once bitten
WaitUntil Tonite: and then you wont be able to walk for like
WaitUntil Tonite: a month
W4Rpig88: dayum
W4Rpig88: thats crazy
WaitUntil Tonite: yeah whatcha gonna do then?
WaitUntil Tonite: Nothing, you wont be able to walk
W4Rpig88: ill sick my um...my....my 12 gangs that only commit hate crimes on you
W4Rpig88: you wouldnt be able to live for like..forever
WaitUntil Tonite: yeah? so i'll sic my devil...cats on your ass
W4Rpig88: i got dogs to fight off your cants
WaitUntil Tonite: I got horses to fight off your dogs
W4Rpig88: oh snap
WaitUntil Tonite: yeah and they have sharp teeth
WaitUntil Tonite: I file them to points every night and i feed them people flesh
this made me laugh
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[28 Sep 2004|12:13pm] |
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So I might get my van back tomorrow which is a plus, Im sort of sick of this whole..waiting around for "mommy" to decide wether shes done with it or not. Its MY van by the way under MY name and paid for by ME. She just likes to take it sometimes and use the shit out of it and neglect it so when i get it back its trashed and smelly.
Thats pretty much the only bitch I have for today, I have to add classes to my schedule to morrow and I have no clue what to take because, I dont want to be in a classroom full of kids I dont know. If thats the case than I wont add classes Ill just keep mine the way they are.
uhhh, what to say what to say..
I want love so bad it hurts.
Im all fine when I dont htink about it and I live my everyday but man does it suck not being love and having someone TO BE IN LOVE WITH.
I want these simple things from a sweet boy..
1. Kindness
2. Affection
3. Respect
4. Intentions that are pure
5. Sweet kisses
6. Mad hott sex life
7. ATTENTION and lots of it...
my little acronym for karisma.. I WANT KARISMA DAMN IT.
I hate having a boyfriend where all they do is focus on themselves and what they have to do and not give one ounce of effort into seeing me. I guess its too much to expect someone to ASK or WANT to hang out with you. Im always up for hanging out with someone even if were doing nothing.
*sigh*
Im so good at making other people happy, but I wonder why someone would be so distant.
Do you NOT want love?
DO you NOT want to mbe happy?
Do you NOT want to smile every time that certain someone rolls around.
I feel like Im useless when Im not loving someone. I dont feel like my life is omplete in some ways.
Ive had friends that i love dearly and thats wonderful for me because I still DO love them and they still ARE my friends and I dontk now what I'd do without them.
But, on the other side of things, that love isnt the void in my life.
I miss the feeling of love. Even if it wasnt real, I miss being cared about and I miss constant huggs and passionate kisses, Its gonna be tough for me for the first week or two, because..
he needs to just open up...just tell me everythign and anything I could ever want or not want to know about him. He doesnt need to by she or uncomfertable with me.
He needs to learn that eye gazing is sweet instead of creepy.
I want him to be albe to be with me without having something to talk about and just enjoying the time we spend together.
I WANT to love him.
I want to know about past experiences, favorite bands, ex girlfriends and all that jazz.
I know Im not the only one.. there has to be SOMEONE else out there that longs for what I so dearly long for. I sound sappy and gay, But I dont know. This is new to me. HE is new to me, and I like that.
Hes got everything I could ask for, and I odnt hate or despise anythig about him.
With past relationships I would just bitch about girls and things and make it known what i CANT STAND about them, Its easy for me to find flaw..but what do i do when there is no flaw? what do i say? how do i act?
EXACTLY: Im speechless around him.
He astounds me and he doesnt even know it, I have nothing but good things to say about him.
He's my little Scene Queen and I love it.
I WANT this to last, I WANT to be there for him.
I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY, day in and day out..no matter what.
I WANT TO LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING...
I dont think ive ever wanted anything like this.
Im not a needy girl.
But I need him to open up and just, be HIM. The real down to earth born to be beautiful him.
I know hes there...he just needs to show me. I want to know about his past sex life and just, *sigh* everything.
Im not frustrated, or angry or anything really. Im just content in my life and the people I decide to share it with...
Thanks everybody,
All of you are just awesome to me and I dont deserve it.
But I do appreciate it more than words could ever explain.
This is MY entry...this is MY life..
now HE has to show me..
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